dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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