Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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