break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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