Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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