On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
