before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
