Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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