How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
