Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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