If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
