Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
