so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
