Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
