Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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