If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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