My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
