Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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