having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
