Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
did i walk over a car last night?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
