No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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