Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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