I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize