We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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