im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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