Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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