How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
