Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize