I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
