Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
