I got chris browned last night
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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