My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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