Having a random hookup so left but love u
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
