I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
