I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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