Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
