I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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