Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize