Umm I'm too high to move.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
