Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize