I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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