You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
