hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
