Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize