i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
