Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
