We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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