do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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