Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize