hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
