LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
