Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
