This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I am midnight drunk by noon
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
