From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
