i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
