I like to think it a success when the cops are called
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
