So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
