Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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