I met the friendliest cop last night
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
