I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize