did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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