i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
