there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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