They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
