the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
