He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
