you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
