I can text with my tongue
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
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