his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Less talking, more tequila
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
