Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The air was thick with penises
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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