My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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