i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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