when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
