Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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